


I just want someone to hold me tonight

by weddingbells



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-25
Updated: 2013-03-25
Packaged: 2017-12-06 12:31:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/735696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weddingbells/pseuds/weddingbells
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis hears wonderful things about love and he doesn't understand why he can't seem to find it. The movies describes it so well and Louis heart is aching.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I just want someone to hold me tonight

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own One Direction. These events are my own imagination.  
> This is my first attempt at writing Larry-fanfiction.

Louis had many ideas about love, and he had many thoughts on when it would be his turn. When Louis thought of love he thought of what he had seen in movies, he knew what was expected and what was important. Louis got questions from eager grandmas and curious cousins about girls in his life and if he had someone special and Louis would smile and say that not yet, but that he was waiting.

Louis thought that it would be as simple as breathing, knowing when love was there, striking him as lightning but Louis became disappointed again and again, because he couldn’t feel anything ever that was near that he was being told about. Louis wanted it so much but love never seemed to find him, not like it seemed to find other people all the time.

 

His friends sometimes made him go on blind dates with different girls they thought would peak his interest. Louis would smile and follow to the door and kiss them goodnight all the time, trying to get some kind of response to what he thought love could be, but the kiss would end and the door would close, and Louis would drive home still feeling unsatisfied in every single way.

 

When Louis realized that he could sing pretty well, he took a chance and tried out for the X Factor. He made it through and it started to take all of his time and Louis was grateful because it could keep his mind off things and no one really questioned why he couldn’t find that someone. It was obvious Louis had other things on his mind.

 

Looking back, Louis was sure he had known that day the second it happened, but right then he didn’t know that he was running straight into love when he made his way around the corner. When it happened, Louis had been in a hurry, late for a meeting, late for everything and he didn’t look when he took a left turn in the corridor and slammed into another body with such force that they both fell to the ground.

Arms and legs were everywhere and Louis noticed brown curls and light skin, and the boy looked at him with green eyes and a face that Louis thought would probably have dimples while smiling, but was now judging and annoyed.

“Sorry.” Louis apologized, getting to his feet quickly, offering his hand to help the stranger up, but it was ignored and the boy got to his feet by himself. “I didn’t mean to…”

“Just be more careful.” The boy grunted and Louis felt a bit weak in the knees, thinking that it was probably because he was nervous and late and should be on his way.

“I’m sorry.” Louis apologized again and stared at him, for a moment stuck in curls and green eyes, and the stranger looked back at him, looking more annoyed. Louis snapped out of it, remembering where he had to be. He started walking again, quickening his paste.

“I am sorry!” he shouted again over his shoulder, seeing the other just shake his head, causing the curls to dance.

Louis didn’t know why, but he wanted to see him again.

 

“You’re late, Mr. Tomlinson.” Simon Cowell’s dark voice pointed out when Louis, panting, sweating, looking like an absolute mess made his way out to the stage in front of the judges, waiting for confirmation on whether or not he was through to the next stage or not. Louis apologized, trying to catch his breath, hoping to god he wouldn’t be forced into singing something right now because he would sound like a cat stuck in a fence.

“And you’re late too, Mr. Styles. This is not a good start.”

Louis, who had just started noticing people around him, saw three other boys that he half recognized from auditions on the stage with him. He was confused and then he looked to the side again and felt like someone had punched him in the gut when he noticed the curly haired green eyed boy entering the stage. His insides did a back flip and he didn’t know why and his breathing once again became uncontrollable and Louis didn’t know why his heart was beating faster, didn’t know that it could. Styles smiled and apologized as well, and Simon Cowell rolled his eyes, before eyeing all five of them.

 

When Louis found out he was going to be in a boy band from now on he thought about fame and girls, thinking he could be like _The Backstreet Boys_ and have everything he wanted. Surely this would be the end of troubled teenage years; he didn’t need to be questioned anymore.

 

Louis liked the other boys, they had fun together and all worked hard, Louis could see they all wanted this success just as bad as he did and they practiced for hours, working hard, trying to be their best in everything. Louis found that they grew close just after a few days together and soon he was laughing with Harry about how they had run into each other just before their journey started, Louis trying really hard not to look for too long at Harry’s smile and how it reached all the way up to his eyes when he was happy.

 

It was raining when Louis first realized how easily Harry could make him laugh, he was like a kid in a teenager’s body and his laugh was contagious. They had missed a bus and Harry suggested that they’d run _(“Come on, Lou, you know it will be quicker”)_ and Louis didn’t know why he’d agreed but he did, running through the streets, Harry by his side, getting soaked and cold and still Harry was beaming, his curly hair not so curly anymore and Louis felt a warm sensation that felt dangerous to him.

When they finally got to rehearsal’s they were late, the others were annoyed but Harry just laughed and while his wet clothes dripped water on the floor he whispered in Louis’ ear that _This was still quicker than the bus_ and Louis was smiling despite Liam and Zayn looking at them with dark eyes.

 

It was weeks into the X Factor when Niall, that Louis shared a room with and that sometimes was a bit too nosey, asked Louis one night if he had a girlfriend back home and Louis whispered _no_ into the dark. Niall sounded surprised and asked why, making Louis blush, really thankful Niall couldn’t see him. Louis told a lie about how he hadn’t found the one and Niall seemed to be okay with the answer, falling asleep and snoring within minutes, whilst Louis still was awake, strange feeling in his gut that felt mildly uncomfortable.

 

Zayn talked a lot, and Louis liked to listen to it, Zayn and Liam seemed to know a lot and Louis wanted to know, wanted to learn. Zayn talked about other boy bands and fans, planning the next step and discussing how you get successful in no time. Louis would nod and agree, asking about the girls while getting goose bumps all over his skin when Harry’s knee accidently brushed against his while sitting on the sofa.

 

Sometimes, on the rare occasions when he was alone, Louis would get his ipod out and listen to loud music, hiding away from the rest of the world wondering desperately why he had these feelings that he shouldn’t have, why he couldn’t just be _normal_ like all the other people around him.

 

“You’re kind of like a puppy dog.” Liam commented one morning and Louis was startled, almost dropping his cup of coffee, spilling it all over the floor. Trying not to show how his hands were shaking he turned to Liam.

“What do you mean?”

“You. Following him around.” Liam grinned, nodding at Harry that was lying on the sofa, long legs over the armrest, curls all over the cushions. “Do you have a crush?”

Louis harshly shook his head and Liam backed away, laughing, hands in the air like he surrendered.

“Sorry I asked, Mr. Snap man.” The other boy laughed. “But you know, it’s still noticeable.”

 

One night a sassy reporter asked Louis if he himself knew that he was gay, and Louis turned pale and felt sick and hid at the hotel for hours, only opening up the door to let Harry in after ten minutes of persuasion. Harry hugged him tight and told him to ignore stupid questions if they weren’t true and that it was no big deal. Louis hugged back, feeling the warmth of Harry’s breath on his neck, belly doing cartwheels as Louis wanted to cry.

 

When Niall was still sleeping in the mornings Louis would get up to shower, not worried that someone would comment on how long he was in there, wanking to images in his head that he was supposed to want to see, trying to think of curves but ending up thinking about curls and green eyes like the ocean and he would be panting as he came hard, feeling disgusted as he let all the need and lust go with the water down the drain.

 

The day that Harry whispered something innocent in his ear that still sent chills down Louis spine in a way that he couldn’t ignore, Harry’s lips brushing close to Louis earlobe, Louis went out and snogged ten different girls in three different bars to try to once again convince himself that there wasn’t anything there. He crashed into his hotel bed trying to feel the scent of all the girls perfumes on his shirt but he only felt the scent of Harry’s aftershave and Louis sobbed into his pillow, giving up.

 

It was late one night and they had toured for weeks and Harry came into Louis’ room.

“I need to know, Louis.”

Louis knows what Harry wants to know but he can’t reply, doesn’t know how. Harry walks over, sitting down to Louis next to the bed, a bit to close Louis thought and he thinks about moving away a bit, but having Harry in his personal space is a pleasant feeling.

“It’s driving me crazy not to know, Lou.” Harry murmurs and his voice is deep. Louis swallows and Harry swallows too, Louis wonders if Harry is nervous just as he is, and is for a second lost in watching Harry’s Adam’s apple bobble up and down, Harry’s neck is perfect, Louis thinks and then he looks up, Harry’s eyeing him closely.

“Louis.” Harry whispers and then his hand softly brushes Louis’ cheek. “Do you have… do you have feelings for me?”

 _No._ Louis thinks, his brain desperately not wanting anything else to be said. _No, I don’t because we are friends and you are a boy. And I am a boy and I am supposed to like girls. So no, Harry Styles, I do not have any feelings for you in any kind of way. No, just no._

But when Louis opens his mouth, he speaks and his voice is weaker than it has ever been before but it still is no doubt what he is saying.

“Yes.”

Harry sighs, looking relieved and then he leans in, closing the distance between himself and Louis.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” Louis mumbles before Harry’s lips find his, they are wet and soft, Louis feeling the tingling sensation running through all of his body. Harry groans, complaining.

“What is?”

“I can’t… I shouldn’t like a guy. I’m…”

“Well you do.” Harry kisses Louis again, tasting him, feeling him and Louis closes his eyes and he sees stars, planets, he sees black holes and galaxies.

“It’s wrong.”

“Fuck sake, Lou.” Harry groans again, pulling himself away from Louis, putting his hands on Louis face holding his gaze steady, Louis’ body shaking and lips trembling when he drowns in the deep, green pit that is the eyes of Harry Styles once again. “Who told you that this is wrong?”

“I…” Louis stammers, realizing he doesn’t know the answer to the question and Harry shakes his head, curls dancing, Louis entire being slowly filling up with love.

“Don’t hide anymore, Louis.” Harry whispers and then he closes the distance between their lips again, and this time Louis is silent.

Louis had kissed before, snogging sessions lasting for a good while but kissing Harry was something Louis wasn’t prepared for in anyway and when Harry suckled on his bottom lip before pressing his tongue against Louis’ lips, Louis felt that this was it, this was what he had been waiting for. He parted his lips and Harry moaned, pleased, and pushed his tongue inside Louis’ mouth, not too quick, but still with need and crave and then Harry’s arms circled around Louis waist, just when Louis’ hands nuzzled Harry’s neck, playing with his curls.

Louis lost all sense of right or wrong and should or shouldn’t when Harry’s slender fingers started to unbutton his shirt, and he let himself get tangled up in stroking touches and naked skin.

 

When Louis woke up the next morning the sun was already up and Harry was naked beside him in bed, still sleeping, mouth still curled in a sweet half smile. Louis sighed, feeling pleased, then realizing what had happened and quickly but still carefully got out of the bed, grabbing his clothes and quickly getting dressed, heading outside hoping Harry wouldn’t tell anyone and that the others wouldn’t notice.

Niall raised an eyebrow as he joined the other three at the breakfast table.

“Harry’s not up yet?” Liam asked, pouring sugar into his coffee. Louis tried to act like nothing when he answered.

“I don’t know, why should I know?”

“You’re wearing his shirt.” Zayn points out, grinning as Louis looks down and notices to his horror that he has indeed taken Harry’s shirt on instead of his own, feeling his face turn hot and red. Niall laughs.

“So, did you guys have fun?”

“Don’t… please.” Louis asks, quietly, looking down on his hands that he has placed in his knee and the other boys look at each other, shaking their heads and continue to eat, dropping the discussion without further questioning.

 

When Harry comes down to eat breakfast, wearing Louis’ shirt _(“Funny, I couldn’t find my own this morning.”)_ Louis excuses himself, leaving the table just the second Harry sits down, saying that he has to go call his sister because he promised to days ago, but he hasn’t had the time to.

When Louis is alone he shuts all the doors and locks himself into the bathroom, showering and showering and showering some more, trying desperately to get rid of the feeling of Harry on his skin, even though he wants it to stay there for a lifetime.

 

When Louis has avoided Harry for a whole day he finally corners him. Louis is nervously panting as Harry looks frustrated, staring at him like he doesn’t know what he should do.

“Don’t freak out on me, Louis.” Harry begs, obviously not caring about the fact that he is pinning Louis against the wall in a hotel corridor where anyone could see them. “Just admit that…”

“No, don’t.” Louis begs, can’t have Harry finishing the sentence, won’t have Harry finishing the sentence. Harry sighs and backs off, looking at Louis with disappointed, big, green eyes, enough to make Louis’ legs turn to jelly.

“You know it’s true.” Harry whispers and then he is gone, running down the hallway and Louis is left standing for a moment, before he falls to the floor, crying like a baby, hiding his face in his hands.

Louis cries until Niall finds him and helps him back to his hotel room.

 

That night Louis tells Niall that he is gay and Niall hugs him tight and says that it’s okay. Louis asks how it is okay and Niall smiles and while stroking Louis’ hair he tells him about love and how love is equal and that you love who you love, and it’s all beautiful. Louis wipes tears off his face and asks if Niall thinks that it will be okay and Niall tells him that it will be.

 

“I’m broken.” Louis whispers through Harry’s hotel room door, not really knowing how he knows, but he just knows that Harry is on the other side.

“I know.” Harry replies and Louis feels his heart twitch at the sound of the husky voice, regretting everything stupid ever done.

“Will you fix me?” Louis mumbles, leaning against the door now, forehead pressed against the cool doorframe, hoping Harry can still hear him. He hears a sigh.

“Will you let me?”

“Yes.”

There’s a click and then the door opens. Louis swallows hard when he sees Harry standing in the doorway, dressed in sweatpants and a blue shirt, hair’s a mess and eyes red, Louis wonders if he has been crying just like Louis.

“You’re a mess.” Louis blurts out, clasping his hand over his mouth the second the words are out. Harry shakes his head and then he laughs.

“And you’re stupid, Lou.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you.” Harry says, stepping aside so that Louis can enter the room.

“Uhm, and I mean…”

“I forgive you.” Harry says, grabbing Louis’s chin with one hand, closing the door with the other, looking Louis deep in the eyes.

“I’m in love with you.” Louis whispers, not feeling like hiding anymore and Harry once again let out that sigh.

“I’m in love with you too.”

Harry kisses Louis softly and Louis kisses back, feeling the heat from Harry’s body close against his own and Louis smiles into the kiss, hoping that won’t break it but just finally realizing what it is he has been looking for. His hands find Harry’s curls again, not able to stay away, fingers tangling.

Harry lifts Louis up, kissing him deeper, tongue everywhere and Louis clasps his legs around Harry’s waist and his arms around his neck, staying as close as he possibly can, enjoying the feeling of being in Harry’s arms. Harry walks over to the bed where he puts Louis down, tugging at his shirt before taking it off, Louis feeling the cold hit his skin and then Harry takes his shirt off too and Louis is warm again. Harry climbs on top of Louis as Louis falls back down on the pillows, his fingers at the waistline of Harry’s sweatpants, feeling the tip of Harry’s cock growing against his stomach and Louis feels flustered.

Harry catches Louis’ mouth again, kissing him deep, kissing him sloppy, kissing him with passion and fierce and Louis gasps, and Harry starts kissing down Louis’ neck, sucking at his collarbone, licking his chest before taking a nipple in his mouth, teasing it with his tongue, biting, leaving marks and Louis is gasping, trying to breathe, grasping at the sheets.

Louis can feel Harry smiling against his skin, he doesn’t know how but he just feels it and Harry kisses lower, kissing every part of Louis stomach, letting his tongue lick his belly button before suddenly stopping, lifting his head up to look at Louis. His eyes wanders from Louis’ face to his belt buckle and Louis nods, falling back to the pillows again, mumbling a _please_ , almost inaudible, completely overwhelmed as Harry’s hands start unbuckling his belt, unbuttoning the buttons, unzipping everything that is in the way.

Harry pulls down Louis’ pants and then his boxers, and when Louis is naked Harry let’s his hand carefully touch Louis’ shaft, slowly pumping the throbbing erection, and Louis gasps, already so hard, already leaking, already so, so, very ready for Harry to do anything he wants, so in need for Harry to do everything.

Harry looks pleased, as if he’d missed this, Louis bringing him a gift and when Louis moans loudly when he starts pumping a little faster, Harry bobs his head down, licking at the head, tasting Louis before taking him in his mouth.

Harry’s tongue is swirling, Harry’s tongue is everywhere, licking up and down his shaft and Louis doesn’t understand how Harry knows exactly how to please him but he does, Louis closes his eyes and he see stars again, he’s in space and Harry is the sun and Louis is spinning round and round, and Louis wants it to last, not ever wanting Harry to stop.

He grasps at Harry’s curls and Harry doesn’t seem to mind and Louis looks down, watching Harry for a while and the way his head moves and how his lips fit perfectly around him and Louis groans and gasps and comes in Harry’s mouth, exploding, almost hurting, body shaking as he fall down on the bed once again, his naked skin covered in sweat.

Harry looks up and wipes off his mouth before kissing his way up to Louis’ face again, stealing a quick kiss before falling down next to him, trying to control his breathing. Louis watches him for a while, strokes one curl out of his face, looking at the way his chest raises with each breath.

“If I fall asleep now.” Harry mumbles, eyes closed and heavy. “Will you be gone in the morning, like last time?”

Louis looks at Harry and put down his head on Harry’s chest, listening to the sound of his beating heart, wondering if it’s beats just as fast as his own heart.

“No.” He mumbles, lips pressed against Harry’s skin. “Never again.”

Harry lets out a sigh of relief again and embraces Louis with both his arms.

“Good.” He whispers softly and kisses Louis’ forehead. “Good.”

 

The next morning Louis finds a note that someone slid in under the door, and he smiles when he recognizes Niall’s handwriting.

_I told you it will be okay._


End file.
